Our Complete Holistic Sexuality Quiz is Here!

Holistic sexuality is IMG_4795a balanced engagement of the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual components of sexuality. It’s about nourishing all of you through sexual connection, exploration, expression, and play.

Atacama Counseling has designed an assessment to help you identify what parts of your sexual self are nourished, and what parts could use a little love.

The complete quiz includes an introduction to holistic sexuality, a full assessment of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual realms of your sexuality, as well as suggestions for how to fully thrive in each of these areas.

We hope you find it insightful!

The quiz is your gift to keep forever when you sign up for our free bi-monthly email publication, Shadow Hieroglyphs: Writings on Creativity, Mindfulness, and Presence (…and if you don’t love it, you can unsubscribe at any point).

Get your Complete Holistic Sexuality Quiz Now! 

Learning Emotionally-Focused Therapy

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A little over a week ago, I attended a four-day intensive training in Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). Around seventy therapists sat in a windowless conference room, nestled against the rain and flood warnings pitter-pattering the cell phones we had agreed to tuck away for the sake of presence and connection. Banana bread and popcorn nourished us as we grew in understanding of the practice and in warmth towards one another. I was able to get to know some of my fellow trainees well, while others didn’t get a chance to meet. Still, by the end of our time, the room felt safe and intimate; there was a sense of the human bond running between us. It reminded me of sitting together with strangers to witness the wedding of mutual loved ones; though many of us did not know each other, what we had shared brought us to drink in the same joy, hopefulness, and love that we had all felt. And in that sharing, we had opened in connection to one another.

It is always hard to explain the inspired exhaustion that follows a good psychotherapy training. The best trainings I have attended stir their way into me so that I understand them in all layers of my being, from the cerebral down to the emotional, personal, and primal. When learning EMDR, this meant watching my own hidden shadows move and shift within the somatic realms of my body and mind, as I rode emotional waves into greater peacefulness. In the art therapy trainings and consultations I have attended, it has meant expressing my own feelings and experiences that have been silenced in colors, shapes, and symbols; I have always left with a greater understanding of myself. This is what Contemplative Psychotherapy is all about; it is my mission to continually get to know myself and my emotional process so that I can be as fully present and empathetic with my clients as possible.

It would make sense that an emotionally-focused therapy training would leave me feeling warm, close, and connected with those around me. EFT is based in attachment theory, with bonding at its center; it guides couples (and individuals) in shifting away from destructive cycles and disconnectedness by fostering the safety for each to vulnerably express his/her needs and emotions, creating a secure bond. Through EFT, this bond becomes reliable, consistent, and a source of support and strength. This not only helps the communication in relationships, but it attends to some of the most basic, primal needs as humans. In this way, it is holds great potential to heal mental illness and emotional suffering.

Each training day of lectures, watching sessions, and practicing/receiving EFT with my colleagues, I found myself in a place of more profound openness and connection, not only with those around me, but with my own loved ones outside of our cozy conference room. I felt increased appreciation, empathy, and curiosity towards my own partner’s experience in our marriage, and have found myself in deeper appreciation for the relationship we have built together. The experience has made me even more excited to bring this beautiful healing modality to my clients as I continue to grow from it, both personally and professionally.

Thank you to Jim Thomas, Lisa Palmer-Olsen, and the Colorado Center for Emotionally-Focused Therapy for a great externship experience!

How to begin loving your body during sex.

IMG_2850Most of us consider sex to be fun, important, and deeply gratifying. So it can be confusing to find ourselves avoiding it. There are several reasons why our discomforts keep us out of bed with one another; at the top of this list is our uneasiness and embarrassment in our own skin. When we are unhappy with the way we look, nakedness can be intimidating at best, unbearable at worst. And when we are filled with these emotions, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to fully enjoy sex.

So what are we to do? One answer lies in cultivating love and compassion for ourselves, just as we are. Here are a few ways to begin:

1. Develop an appreciation for your body and your sexuality alone.

Spend time with yourself naked, and notice what insecurities come up. Observe your thoughts and feelings as though you are not only undressing your body but also undressing your anxiety, letting them both be there without any need to change them. Stay curious about what you are feeling; you may gain some insight into the roots of your negative feelings.

If this feels tolerable, you can also try looking in the mirror, or masturbating in such a way that allows you to explore your own body. See if you can discover your erogenous zones, the features you consider to be your sexiest, and the parts of yourself that may feel a little too vulnerable to be touched. Get to know yourself in this way.

  1. Consider sharing your discoveries with your partner.

If you feel comfortable, let your partner know what you discover during your alone time. Are there areas of your body that feel a little too vulnerable to be touched or kissed? Or do those parts crave some loving attention? Clue him or her in, and don’t be afraid to make requests.

You may also want to share which parts of your body you love, and ask for some extra affection in those places too. Don’t be afraid to adore your amazing butt, and let your partner tell you how much s/he adores it too!

  1. Listen to your boundaries.

Your vulnerability and insecurities will fluctuate, and with them, your needs. If you are feeling more insecure than normal about your body, check-in with your comfort level. Do you feel ready to have sex with this particular person right now? Maybe you want to be intimate, but aren’t comfortable turning on the lights quite yet. Your nakedness is a fragile being; venturing outside your comfort zone is part of healing, but pushing yourself too far or too fast can leave you feeling over-exposed and eventually closed off.

  1. Adorn yourself

There are so many ways to adorn and celebrate your body. Try wearing clothes and/or jewelry that make you feel sexy on days or nights when you may anticipate having sex, or go straight for some lingerie that makes you feel smoking hot. Consider playing dress-up or trying out body paint. Try some home spa treatments to leave your skin extra soft and kissable before a date. Experiment with different perfumes/colognes, or even edible goodies. Let yourself believe just how yummy you are!

If you try out these things and your body image continues to block you from enjoying sex, there may be a deeper underlying issue or trauma that is contributing to your anxiety. Consider counseling as a way to explore and heal these feelings.

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Página en español veniendo pronto! Para aprender mas sobre mis servicios, llame (720) 515-5184 o mande un email a rachaeluris@gmail.com.
Rachael Uris, MA, LPC is the owner of Atacama Counseling, LLC, offering sex therapy as well as individual and couple's counseling for issues surrounding sexuality, love, and pregnancy. All services are located in downtown Boulder, Colorado, and are provided in English and Spanish.
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